Irish Government Fancy Parchment Firesale: Everything Must Go

The Department of the Taoiseach, in association with the Department of Transport, Tourism agus an Shpoorth, is selling 5000 reams of expensive parchment paper. The reams, bought by the state in 2008 for €60,000 at the height of the economic depths of the recession, are being sold on in thirty tranches of €438 billion bundles in an effort to plug a gap in the Nama books and the health service.


Adults who collected "fancy paper" as children in the 80s are being targeted in the firesale.

However, a spokesman declared that the parchment is:
"[...] perfect for any interesting parties - such as a gay wedding for a Kentucky gentleman and his fiancé, struggling as they are to have the issuance of such licences across the Atlantic, what with the postmistress-general being ended up in the prison. We'd hold a big hooley in the function room of an Irish hotel, with below-cost line dancers, and of course give the wedding the state-sanctioned Tá. The parchment could be used as a kind of keepsake of signatures, and certainly the signings could be overseen by the secular officiator, who wouldn't ever be a priest. Also, we could have some wedding parchment napkins. Printed out on them, you know, Jefferson and Willard, or what have you, in a heart shape. And to be hung on the wall when they get back home, next to their His and His gun licences."