Cat profiles with cursewords DELETED!

Yes, it's more cat profiles with the cursewords deleted!

Now for a brother and sister team of nasty ****ing fraudsters who will come into your home all needy and diva-like and cuckoo ****ing bananas. They've already played guest-starring roles in this blog.

First up is Alice, or the Windy Sh**ty. Alice likes nothing more than to cause disgusting ****ing stinks. She enjoys the miasma of her own ***ty f*rts and insists on sharing same by jumping up onto any free lap with her grippy, grippy ****ing claws, and sinking them into your legs, an eye-wateringly mind-boggling **** of a stench rising up as she tries to rub her face in yours. Try going through the pain of those fine paw-nails gripping your thigh, inhaling sharply at the grip into your flesh, and then getting a blast of some of the most noxious flatulence you could ever hope to experience. Add that masochism to the bucket list!

She trusts her own judgment in her grippy treatment of your flesh, and is gentle enough with bare skin, but once any item of clothing - howsoever thin - is present on somebody from whom she wants some love, those talons are primed for abseiling. What she fails to trust her own judgement in, however, is her inability to shart.

Constant checks of her own a** aren't enough for her. They aren't enough for anyone living with her either, coz she can turn any litter tray nasty.

On one occasion, she cut the cheese while getting belly-rubbed, and her eyes opened wide as if to say "Uh-ohhh..." and she quickly stuck her nose into the offensive region to ensure it wasn't a Wet One.

She would appear to suffer from IBS, the little stinky **t**.

Due to her own less domineering, more moderate personality, she doesn't get as much attention as the mad ****er known as Bam Bam, her brother. You can read all about that crazy ****'s antics in the next edition of Cat profiles.

If you've missed an edition of Cat profiles with the Cursewords Deleted, simply send me €500 today.
Or you could read the last one here.