1. First rule of driving is always, always, always never drink and drive.

2. DON'T let a team of seagulls drive, when one human will do the job more competently. They squabble and they leave feathers EVERYWHERE.


3. Never, ever sing along to a Stevie Wonder hit while driving. Specialists say that vocalising in this manner encourages head movements that are incompatible with safe travel.

4. If you feel drowsy while driving, a great idea is to wait until you have a long stretch of straight road ahead of you. Then, simply close your eyes for ten seconds. Count the seconds down, and open your eyes again. Repeat. Then, try for longer periods. Fifteen seconds, then thirty. Before long, you will find yourself asleep.

5.  There should be an outright ban on honking horns on the radio. Car insurance, car, car mechanic, and car valet advertisers should be fined if they contain any car horn noises.

A woman who conducted studies monitoring human brain activity, gabbing away on the phone to her friend as she drafted an email requesting funding from her university - while building macros into her research software in order to streamline the collation of her data - showed that men can't focus on driving and listening to the radio at the same time. It's too much for them.

I don't like nearly crashing when wildly looking around for a furious driver who doesn't exist. Neither should you.

If car horn sounds are retained on the radio, there should be a warning before any car horn and it should be a distinctive voice - standard across all the stations - that shouts "CAR HORN!!!" Let's make 2022 the year that car horns are taken off the radio! 2022 is just a figure plucked from my arse, coz it features the Number Two A LOT!

Lodge a complaint to your local representatives today about car horns on the radio, with the hashtag CARHORNSBEGONEBY2022.