Titanic Memorial Cover-Up Exposed

In what is regarded as the conspiracy to end all conspiracies, a group of five UK-based Muslims scheduled to set sail tomorrow for the United States on a cruise liner from Southampton to New York will be forced to drown when the ship is deliberately struck by a replica iceberg.
Some of the players - and the victims - in the controversy

In today's European Court of Human Rights ruling at Strasbourg, Babi Koko, Duck-go Gogo Go Duck Go, Bubbubbuh Bubbubbuh, GuhGuhGuh GuhGuhGuh and Pffff, Pffff, Pffff Puh-uh-Buh POB al bin Mohehehmet j-Mohammad, have all been deemed fit for extradition to the United States. A sixth Muslim, Bar-Bar-Bar Bar-Bar-Bra-Anne, is regarded as mentally unfit and will not be joining the party. Tragically, a psychiatric assessment undertaken by the UK courts has suggested that he has become so deluded - due to institutionalisation - as to actually believe in God, having been caught praying on at least five separate occasions in one day.

The five Muslims - some of whom have already been convicted in Brishish courts for inciting hatred - were to be extradited to the US, where they faced further charges and at least a certain amount of Qu-ran rippage by Colorado prison guards who wanted to tear a few holy books in front of the men. However, it has now been decided instead to drown the Muslims.


The new operation is so covert that the diversionary plans to welcome the men onto American soil are still ongoing at some expense. The senior warden at the prison where the men were to be incarcerated, Officer Jerome Kerfuffle, requested that five mature African male elephants be overwatered for the last month at Denver Zoo in preparation for the arrival of the Muslims. Prison staff are eager to make a splash of their own on international controversies, with "a completely new take on a thing I saw on the news," claims Kerfuffle. The elephants are scheduled to be awaiting the British guests at the penitentiary after transport from the zoo in large horseboxes with very poor suspension.

In the UK - where the term "Brishish" is pronounced "British" - the authorities have expressed delight at the European ruling. The five men are soon to set off on the doomed cruise liner, where they will be set to work shovelling coal in the engine room. The engine room will then be locked, unbeknownst to the men, and the ship itself abandoned by all other hands some time before it strikes the completely artificial iceberg in a deadly practical joke.

To create the manmade piece of ice, President Obama has secretly approved a light kick from a scientist working at a research station in Greenland.

The kick, believed to employ the heel of the climatologist's boot, will result in the removal of a vast chunk of ice from the Greenland coastline.

The completely manmade chunk of ice - for all intents and purposes looking like a natural phenomenon - will be wished through some good old-fashioned Christian prayer by the crew of a US Navy nuclear submarine into trans-Atlantic shipping lanes, where it will remain until the cruise liner strikes it, coincidentally at the site of the wreck of RMS Titanic - just in time for the centenary of the original sinking.

Operation Big Floater will be released tomorrow.